Relationships and breakups

For many expats, their relationship is an important source of support in their life abroad.
When that support breaks away or conflicts arise with their partners, one is often left alone with emotional turmoil. On this page, you’ll find information on what can help during a particularly difficult relationship crisis or breakup.

The importance of relationships for expats

New friendships are rarely as easy to form as the childhood friendships we once had. Cultural differences and language barriers make it even harder to connect with people abroad. For this reason, many expats find it difficult to build a fulfilling social life in their new home.

When we have few social connections around us, many of our interpersonal needs—such as spending time together, having deep conversations, feeling love and appreciation—must be met within our romantic relationships
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This is why relationships often becomes a crucial source of support in daily life for many expats. What happens however, when that very support suddenly breaks away?

When the relationship is hanging by a thread

Trying to meet all our interpersonal needs within a single relationship can quickly lead to problems.
When your partner becomes the go-to person for every outing, every hobby, every cozy movie night, every need for connection, and every personal crisis (and vice versa), it creates a high level of dependency within the relationship. This dependency can easily lead to conflict, crisis, or even separation. Suddenly, you're left alone with a lot of emotional baggage.

Healthy ways of dealing with a breakup

We’ve all probably heard from friends, acquaintances, or family how you're "supposed to" handle a breakup. Typical breakup advice includes:

“Stop texting them—make a clean break.”
“Delete all the photos and get rid of everything that reminds you of them.”
“Distract yourself—spend as much time as possible with friends and family.”
“Take a break from dating and focus on yourself first.”
“Focus on work or exercise.”
“Block them on social media and don’t post anything about the breakup.”

All of this advice is given with the best intentions and can be valuable. However, it can also make us feel guilty, worthless, or angry when we don’t manage to follow through — when we skip that workout, lie on the couch, scroll through old pictures, and eventually — against all logic — send one more message to our ex.

Breakups are messy — and that’s okay!

So if you're currently unable to distract yourself or focus on work, that’s completely fine and very understandable in your current situation. Try to meet yourself with self-compassion and understanding. In fact, it’s both healthy and beneficial in the long term to emotionally process the loss of the relationship.

Just like when grieving the loss of a loved one, it's okay—and important—to grieve a relationship as well. Grief is a natural and healthy process, and it often involves reflecting on the person who’s been lost.

A healthy balance between grieving and distraction can often be the best way to move on from a relationship.

Psychological counseling can also provide stability during a relationship crisis or a breakup. Together, we can reflect on the relationship and look for a constructive path through the crisis. I’d be happy to support you as a psychologist. So if you're seeking help around relationships and breakups, don’t hesitate to reach out.

Schedule a free initial call